Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
