The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dear god my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
