I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am one with the molecules
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
