She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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