I think my vagina is haunted
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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