The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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