I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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