i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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