I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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