were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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