Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
