mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
