I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
