you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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