this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
