just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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