george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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