Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
