Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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