she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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