y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
