Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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