The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize