I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
