There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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