Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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