I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
