So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
where am i from again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
