I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
