i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
