The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
