i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will pee on everything he values.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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