dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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