Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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