make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Come share oat with me in your robe
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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