Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
