When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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