it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
