your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
