i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
