I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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