i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
