On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
