Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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