i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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