woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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