I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
