That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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