dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As shirtless as possible
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
