i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
