lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she pinky promised me she was 18
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
