So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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