She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
