I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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