i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
