my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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