i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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