that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
