You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
