i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize