woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
