he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
