I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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